October 22, 2008

Your life is an occasion, so rise up to it..

So lately I've found it hard to write a blog, actually I write one just about everynight, Its the posting it that I've found hard to do. It's like everything I wrote before just didn't seem right. Now that I feel my life is getting back in order I find it easier to write and just say everything that's on my mind.

The past week felt like I was holding my breath and just waiting for things to get better. Finally yesterday my old boss called me and told me that I could have my job back and it felt amazing, like finally I can breath. Now I know that things are going to get better and that life is always throwing things at you, its how you react that matters. To every negative , there is always a positive. So, I feel like slowly but surely my life is getting better.

I feel like I would be cheating you if I didn't paste what I wrote the other day, so with that said here it is,,,

Times are rough, but I don't have to tell you that cause you already know.I'm as far down as a person can ever imagine to be. The person I am today is basically I let stupid peaty fears like turned off T.Vs rule my life. Every other day I feel like I find something else that keeps me limited to living life to its fullest, and to be quite honest I'm tired of it. The other day I was reminded of "the old me" and how I did what I wanted and I wasn't scared of the outcome. Where did that go? Why is it that we all have to think things over and over and in the end all those thoughts go to the garbage? I think that everyone should run on instinct and impulse. Just do it, with everything I do I find myself over analyzing the situation. What's the point? What ifs are things we do cause were scared and let me tell you 99% of the time I bet that those what ifs are wrong. People including myself live life playing it safe and that's not the way to do it. I'm tired of being limited, it's seriously time for a change.
Life is reflection, we do things and it doesnt really matter if it was right or wrong because if it was right then most likely it was a good time or memory and you reflect on that, and if you do something wrong you look back reflect on that and you learn from it.

October 11, 2008

When life gives you lemons...

....you grab the salt pour that tequilla and make the best of it!
Today I learned a very valuable lesson, Actually this whole week i've learned some of the hardest lessons I've ever had to learn.
The begining of this week I was withdrawn from all my classes. I lied about going to school and stayed in my room for about a week and a half. Instead of telling everyone I was fine and that school was going great, I should have just been honest and said I dont like it here, I have to much time on my hands and I feel lonely. All that time and with a computer that shuts off every 5mintues, all I could do was think and all these thoughts that were just driving me insane. I should have just been honest and yes I felt terriable lying its just that everyone was telling me how proud they were of me and I felt that if I left the school they would think that I failed and I just didn't want to let them down. In the end I let them down by lying, if I would have been honest from the beging I know that they would have helped me find a way through it. Everything happens for a reason, and like in the episode of Greys Anatomy(season four, right after Denny died) yesterday Izzy was talking to the Chief and she tells him she knows it was wrong but in that moment she didnt know what else to do, he lets her back in to the program because if we all just give up, then were would we be? Every mistake we make is a life lesson and although we messed up for the future we know not to make that mistake and we grow and learn from it.
Growing, Learning, learning to just accept people for who they are. You are the way you are and I can't change that. Today I came to a huge dissapointment in more that 1 person. When I was talking to my sister she said, you cant let that bring you down, you cant beat yourself up about things you cant change, and she is right. ( like always) But yeah, its hard but I cant just waste my life being down cause then Ill never be happy. Life is full of let downs and people who have it so much worse than me, I just have to be greateful for all the good times Ive had , because in reality that all we have. So i'm done trying so hard with people Im not going to stress little things anymore cause you people make me older than I really am.
Another thing, people should just be honest. My sister says this all the time ( shes my brain of course shes right ;] ). It makes things less complicated, if you dont want to come over SAY NO! My feelings dont get hurt, This happens so many times with so many people, I feel like you give me exuses after exuses and just make it 50xs more complicated than it has to be. Yes or No. Its simple I dont need your life story and a maybe. We really need to work on being more honest with one another. But hey like I said before, people are the way that they are, and I cant change that, I can be honest in hope that they will see that its not that bad, In reality the only time you do get hurt or hurt people is when you lie..
On that note, that's all I got for today kiddos ;]