Frustrating sacrafices.

I can't sleep in my own bed, I can't watch tv in my own house, I have a time limit on when and what I can eat, I can't shower in peace, I mean I can't even get a breath of fresh air without it being polluted with nasty SMOKE...

I'm just a little frustrated.

It all up to you..

Updates:

I have a crazy family, this not much of an update..

Moms staying, this is.

Abuela's moving in, Kristan's moving out, this also is an update.

Freshly painted apartment.

All attempts for change.

I'm tired of being in this place, therefore I will no longer stay here.

I'm tired of assumptions & judgements therefore I will no longer listen anymore.

I'm tired of being the one that needs to be "fixed" , I am not broken.

We seek this thing that we have, we try so hard to be positive and its already in our finger tips, we don't work hard enough for it.

Nothing comes easily, everything comes with its own struggles, things arent always sunny.

I saw a little rain this morning & thought I should stay home, it's the perfect day to do nothing & be in bed, however what do I get out of that ? nothing.

Point blank, I'm tired, time doesn't wait for you,

you want change, do it.

That's all I've got kiddos.

Im lost on the road...

It's just like that dream where your screaming at the top of your lungs, but no one hears you.

It feels something like that.

eh, I just don't know anymore, I gotta go, time to paste on the smile.

tick tock

Four letter word; time, a thing that rules over us and no matter what you do or how hard you try to go back, it just keeps ticking foward.
Time, is seriosuly precious.
You anxiously wait for something then before you know it its a thing of the past.
Time off, finally tommorrow a day off :) ah it feels nice.
A day off and I want to do so much, I'm telling you I want to have a jam packed day tommorrow filled with detail cleaning, fun, and somethings that's are just plain old time consuming.
Let's see what tomorrow truley brings.
Night kiddos :)
Until next time..

Welcome April<3

Welcome Spring 2009. It feels like you didn't waste time getting here, I mean it feels like just yesterday I was sobbing happy new year. So yeah, I'm not even going to say it's been awhile ;] , you know this. What's up with me? Where to start?...

I recently went to Bergen(school) all on my own which for me is a pretty big deal with this whole anxiety thing. I got up that morning not knowing at all where I was going hopped on a bus and made it to the school. Of course for me it wasn't that simple. I got on the bus with the rudest bus driver ever, he didnt even look at me when I asked if he could let me know that stop, and my luck there was noone else on the bus I could ask directions ;\. I panicked I shed a couple tears, then quickly got over it after bad mouthing the one that was supposed to accompany me. It made me feel that I know I can do these things and that the whole anxiety thing soon will completly be a thing of the past, hopefully.

What else? I'm tired. I am tired of the same thing after same thing after same fxcking thing.

Blah.

I want to be out there....

True happiness doesn't exist.