Hide behind it, Run away from it, Avoid it.

COMPOSE.

I'm broken and there is no fixing that, I'm not the same nor will I ever be.

"I'm fine" .. now give them a warm smile to convince them and they'll fall for it again.
I am not perfect I know this, I am NOT like everyone else and I know this. I don't always do the right thing, I KNOW THIS.

I speak my mind when everyone is sleeping and I know that no one is watching, this is how I am, & I know this, you know this, &I'm tired of apologizing for it. I'm done apologizing because that's how I am, and if being me is wrong then maybe I'm not the one to blame. I used to wish that I was a little more like everyone else but now I see there's nothing wrong with being me even if its being the mute.
I try to let it not get to me, but sometimes there is only so much I can keep inside before just shut down and now that I have I'm letting it out and it only a matter of time before the cycle will repeat itself, I know this.

This doesn't make any sense, maybe it's not supposed to.

I don't know I guess I'm just feeling a little extra emotional today.

Rosalinda

So darling, darlinggg..

Today I realized so much. It's like everything that's happened over the past year happened and I guess I was oblivious to all of it & this morning on the bus ride to work it all just smacked me in the face. First off, I am a high school graduate/college student, how did that happen so fast? I can still remember the days being in grammer school thinking that it was so bad and how I just wanted to get out and now all I say is how I wish I was back there. It's funny how time flies and how you change without even realizing it. You waste your time wishing that you can go to the future and see what it holds for you and when your there you look back and see how great it was and that the future wasn't as great as you expected it to be, that you were fine before. It's like I've said before, you have to live in the moment cause when things are unexpected its raw you don't have any expections& thats when you live your life best. No let downs, no disappointments , just greatness.

Today I had a meeting and the DM showed us this video and man I think the best part is when the guy making the documentary talks at the beginning, however I couldn't find that version. So basically the director has mad several short documentaries like this one and he said that one day he was walking down the street and he heard this man singing and he has never heard a voice like that and he said the best kind of music is not the one that so popular but the one with heart and thats raw with emotion and I totally agree with him cause well I think its amazing... here is the link to the video..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Us-TVg40ExM

So if you don't know by now I work at Starbucks, and at our meeting today they told us that Starbucks is now proudly apart of the organization ( RED ). If you don't know what RED is it's an organization to help people in Africa get shots and pills to help fight Malaria, Tuberculosis, and AIDS. I am so happy to be apart of such a great thing. Apple, Converse, Dell, MTV, GAP and I can't remember who else are also apart of RED but it's amazing how many lives have been saved because of these companies and now my company/ ME! is also apart of this great organization, just makes me feel so inspired to do so much more.

With that said, I was talking to my sister the other day and it is already November, there is less than 45 days until its 2009. two thousand and nine. Where did 08 go? I have no clue but I plan to make 09 unforgettable! Yes people its true I have a resolution for the new year, no I dont want to lose weight, or quit a bad habit, I want to make 09 the best year of my life. I just don't want to waste another year of my life and then its November 2009 and I have nothing to show for it. So what exactly is my resolution? I plan to make a list in these last days of 2008 and apply my list in 2009. I want my list to have things I've always wanted to do, things I would'nt normally do, and things that I've never done, nothing too crazy like sky diving or anything but reasonable things that I would love to do. I think that I can do it and once I have my list on paper I'll blog and tell you all about it! I guess you can say I'm ready to let it all go , I'm ready to say good-bye to 2008 and HELLO 09! ;]

Live it up people, we only get one chance to do this so why not make the most of it?
Living with the what Ifs and being scared just limit you, why not take a chance everyonce in a while?

Well Kiddos, that's all I got for today !

Rosalinda<33>

Its been a while

So where to begin?
Reason for no blogs? Starbucks ;] .
That's right people I am once again a Starbucks Barista!
Only dilemma, consumes most of my time, work work work !
Now I am getting back into the rhythm of working again so I'm not as tired as before so hopefully I should have more blogs up. There has been so much that has gone on that I've been wanting to blog about, Ive just been slacking with this blog thing.

So, Life threw me a curve ball, and I threw that shxt out of the park!

I don't quite know how to say how I feel. At that moment it was perfect, nothing else mattered, weird. Its crazy because for a little while I forgot about you, then all of a sudden its four years later and your sitting inches away. I replay the night in my head and I can't think of anything I would do different. For a split second, I gave up hope because you looked right at me and kept walking, and yes my heart is still melted on that pizzeria floor, but I don't regret that day at all. & I don't give up hope because after four years without having talked you still manage to come see me just because I said I wanted to see you, it has to mean something. So for now I'll just take it for what it was, an unforgettable night, Thank you.

You give me serious butterflies.

That's all i got kiddos.
Rosalinda<33

Your life is an occasion, so rise up to it..

So lately I've found it hard to write a blog, actually I write one just about everynight, Its the posting it that I've found hard to do. It's like everything I wrote before just didn't seem right. Now that I feel my life is getting back in order I find it easier to write and just say everything that's on my mind.

The past week felt like I was holding my breath and just waiting for things to get better. Finally yesterday my old boss called me and told me that I could have my job back and it felt amazing, like finally I can breath. Now I know that things are going to get better and that life is always throwing things at you, its how you react that matters. To every negative , there is always a positive. So, I feel like slowly but surely my life is getting better.

I feel like I would be cheating you if I didn't paste what I wrote the other day, so with that said here it is,,,

Times are rough, but I don't have to tell you that cause you already know.I'm as far down as a person can ever imagine to be. The person I am today is basically I let stupid peaty fears like turned off T.Vs rule my life. Every other day I feel like I find something else that keeps me limited to living life to its fullest, and to be quite honest I'm tired of it. The other day I was reminded of "the old me" and how I did what I wanted and I wasn't scared of the outcome. Where did that go? Why is it that we all have to think things over and over and in the end all those thoughts go to the garbage? I think that everyone should run on instinct and impulse. Just do it, with everything I do I find myself over analyzing the situation. What's the point? What ifs are things we do cause were scared and let me tell you 99% of the time I bet that those what ifs are wrong. People including myself live life playing it safe and that's not the way to do it. I'm tired of being limited, it's seriously time for a change.
Life is reflection, we do things and it doesnt really matter if it was right or wrong because if it was right then most likely it was a good time or memory and you reflect on that, and if you do something wrong you look back reflect on that and you learn from it.

When life gives you lemons...

....you grab the salt pour that tequilla and make the best of it!

Today I learned a very valuable lesson, Actually this whole week i've learned some of the hardest lessons I've ever had to learn.

The begining of this week I was withdrawn from all my classes. I lied about going to school and stayed in my room for about a week and a half. Instead of telling everyone I was fine and that school was going great, I should have just been honest and said I dont like it here, I have to much time on my hands and I feel lonely. All that time and with a computer that shuts off every 5mintues, all I could do was think and all these thoughts that were just driving me insane. I should have just been honest and yes I felt terriable lying its just that everyone was telling me how proud they were of me and I felt that if I left the school they would think that I failed and I just didn't want to let them down. In the end I let them down by lying, if I would have been honest from the beging I know that they would have helped me find a way through it. Everything happens for a reason, and like in the episode of Greys Anatomy(season four, right after Denny died) yesterday Izzy was talking to the Chief and she tells him she knows it was wrong but in that moment she didnt know what else to do, he lets her back in to the program because if we all just give up, then were would we be? Every mistake we make is a life lesson and although we messed up for the future we know not to make that mistake and we grow and learn from it.

Growing, Learning, learning to just accept people for who they are. You are the way you are and I can't change that. Today I came to a huge dissapointment in more that 1 person. When I was talking to my sister she said, you cant let that bring you down, you cant beat yourself up about things you cant change, and she is right. ( like always) But yeah, its hard but I cant just waste my life being down cause then Ill never be happy. Life is full of let downs and people who have it so much worse than me, I just have to be greateful for all the good times Ive had , because in reality that all we have. So i'm done trying so hard with people Im not going to stress little things anymore cause you people make me older than I really am.

Another thing, people should just be honest. My sister says this all the time ( shes my brain of course shes right ;] ). It makes things less complicated, if you dont want to come over SAY NO! My feelings dont get hurt, This happens so many times with so many people, I feel like you give me exuses after exuses and just make it 50xs more complicated than it has to be. Yes or No. Its simple I dont need your life story and a maybe. We really need to work on being more honest with one another. But hey like I said before, people are the way that they are, and I cant change that, I can be honest in hope that they will see that its not that bad, In reality the only time you do get hurt or hurt people is when you lie..

On that note, that's all I got for today kiddos ;]

ROSALINDA<3